I'm suffering from depression

Well, that's what the Psychiatric Clinic in University Hospital has reported.

Okay, before you get any weird ideas, I have not been admitted into the Psychiatric Ward whatsoever. And, I didn't go to University Hospital to seek a cure for my *so-called* depression.
I passed by that clinic because I wanted to get some info about my research topic. I went to University Hospital because I went for a ear check-up. That's all. No more, no less. And the doctor said I can sleep peacefully tonight because I'm okay. My ears, nose, and throat, that is. My heart? Apparently, no. =S...

Apparently I have friends who are willing to listen to my psychotic problems. I had a nearly 30 minute conversation with one friend. She told me that she missed the happy-go-lucky me. And another friend has said the same thing. Where is this happy little girl I used to know? I have to do a lot of soul-searching to forget this current problem I'm facing.

And I think it's my fault that one friend of mine who consoled me about the problem and had the same problem before, who was on the verge of getting over it, has now reignited the love she had for this guy. And it's all my fault. I hate myself for that.

I cried last night. For some strange unexplainable reason, I cried for YOU. Because YOU are working together with my sworn enemy. How can the person I love work together with the person I hate? I felt so sad when I found out about that. I just cried. It's okay if YOU worked with someone else, but not with that person. Because I don't like her. Neither does she.

I feel a little foolish for crying because of that. But I know you won't understand me. Because I'm unwritten. No one understands me. I'm sorry if for the past one week, I've been complaining about this or the feelings I have. It's very much not me. I want to be that happy little girl I have always been.

Strange enough, my dad asked me this once somewhere last month:
*You used to be so happy before. Now, you're different. Where has that happy little girl I raised gone to?*

I don't know what's happening to me. I am having bouts of depression, not to the extent of trying to slit my wrists. I'm not okay, I promise. But I will get back up on my feet. That's a promise made by a Chelsea fan.

I will try to forget this page of my life and pretended it never happened. But you and I know that it's not possible. Ya Allah, give me the strength I need to overcome this misery.

Here's a bit of good news [I don't intend to frighten you all by posting totally depressing posts]: I bought a new bag! An Adidas one! It's about RM 89.90! But it's worth it, and I LOVE IT! Plus, it's blue [steel blue!]! It rocks! Frankie will be so proud of me. *Blushes* We're going to kick whole loads of Toffees tomorrow. Go Chelsea! Go Frankie!

I am happy now. I promise.

*Bluesy* out!