So sick...

I'm so sick. Emotionally.

Why is it that people think I don't deserve a happy life? People think that I should grieve and mope if I break up with someone. They think I should go like "OMG...my life is super-duper meaningless without him" OR "I shall sulk in the bathroom because I am single" [I sulk when I'm upset about other matters which do not include a romantic relationship]. Or worse still, I should slit my wrists, resort to alcohol or cigarettes, or cry my eyeballs out until the cows come home so that he comes back to me. Her world is coming to an end, they think.

Truth is, it's just a new beginning =) . I am smiling. It means I'm happy. Why would I do all that? I may sit around and mope for a few days, true, but it doesn't mean my life will come to an abrupt halt. I do realise that we have to move on, life has to go on, whether we ignorant human beings like it or not. My best friends died at the age of 14 five years ago. My first love died when he was 16 four years ago. Through them, I learnt that life is too short, so we have to live our life to its fullest. I can't waste my life away just because of one guy. I need to be happy to continue on fighting with life and its countless obstacles [not being able to cross roads properly is one of them]. The reason for my survival is that everyday I learn new things and through that learning process I become a better person. I don't have to resort to drugs, booze, or cigarettes to keep me happy, to ease the pain inflicted emotionally. I may say or do the craziest things on Earth, but I'm still sane, you know? I never know when I might die, so it's important for me to at least accomplish some of my dreams [which obviously includes my little killing spree with YOU and giving Frank and John an earful about naming their future kids!]. I won't let some unknown guy [not exactly unknown, you get my point-lah, right?] ruin my life, my dreams and my everything else. I deserve every inch to be happy. I'm happy with the drastic decisions I've made in my life. I'm happy I became the old me, the nerdy but at times crazy and yes, stupid. I'm happy that things are going my way. I'm happy I didn't stick with him, they were right about him. I'm happy I got my best friend whom I lost because of him. I'm happy, quite frankly, with the fact I've grown up to be a somewhat smarter and of course, stupid [Two contradicting personalities in one body? I'm screwed up...no wonder I'm in HELP!] me. With all that potholes I've gotten my foot into, I managed to get them out and start over so that whenever I see a similar pothole, I know what to do. In life, you have to get hurt in order for you to truly understand its meaning and from there, you learn to not repeat the same mistakes over and over again. I learnt my lesson well, I'm done with the tears and there are no regrets.

I can't help it if you're upset, you're the one who's wasting your life away. Move on...I have. I moved on with my life. So, give me a reason why I shouldn't be happy? Because you ain't happy? I can't be bothered if you're unhappy. I'm me. I'm more important than you. If I have to worry my ass off because you're unhappy, well, I guess I'm supposed to practice the same thing for everyone. Right? That's where you're wrong. NEWSFLASH: ME, MYSELF AND I. 3 words that mean the world to me. I have to start worrying about myself and learning to love myself before I can love someone else. I have every right to be happy. You can't control me, my feelings, my thoughts, my dreams, my fantasies, and my life. I'm no mindless puppet on a string that you can inject life into with all your sugarcoated stories for your puppet to follow without question. I'm only human, flesh and blood, born to make mistakes. Not a brainless puppet on a string.

I'm better than that, stronger than that, wiser than that, I'm worth much more.

Listening to Darius does help. He gives me inspiration to write. I feel like writing a poem today. I haven't done that for 8 months already! I need to be shot.

Mar, it's amazing how your quick-fix remedies work on me. Listening to Darius really works! *hugs*

Sorry for the emotionally-screwed post. I was just thinking about what my conspiracy theory genius told me today about you-know-who. Yes, something happened, but I don't want to talk about it. I'm tired. I'm done talking [in this case, typing]. Nothing else to add. Lies. All of them are just lies.

Bye bye, I can't take another lie.

*Bluesy* out!