What kind of love leaves you feeling cold?

Sometimes I think I hear you call my name,
Sometimes it's just my mind playing games,
But nothing's changed, you still are the same,
Let the rain wash the pain away...
~Abs, Rain, Abstract Theory~


I am in love with this song. Kind of suits my mood.
No matter what I do, those rainy days will never leave me alone.


I know why I can never accept good things people say about me. Everytime SOMEONE says SOMETHING nice about me, SOMEONE is bound to say SOMETHING even nastier than that. I know it's true. That's why whenever someone gives me a compliment, I feel like crying. It's because there's AT LEAST someone thinks of me that way, AND it's because they make me feel like I'm strong even when I'm weak and bruised. No matter how hard I try, no one will will really appreciate whatever I do, even if it's the little things.

And the irony of it all is that the people who give you these negative vibes are the people that are are really close to you. You'd expect them to be more understanding about your moods and all, but in reality, they're the ones that will NEVER commend you for all the efforts you throw in just to please them.

And you keep wondering: "WHY THE BLOODY HELL DO I EVEN BOTHER PLEASING THEM WHEN I KNOW I WILL GET SOME KIND OF NEGATIVE REACTION FOR THE THING I'VE DONE FOR THEM?".

I still can't figure out the answer though.

And that, my friends, is the kind of love that leaves you feeling cold. The LOVE from the ones that you think are the ones who will be supportive in all that you do, and give you some kind of recognition for that little thing you did for them.



Am I that strong in your eyes? Maybe you're just imagining it. I'm NOT strong, in fact, I'm a WEAKLING. I'm NOT strong like YOU. I AM WEAK.


P/S: Don't try and sugar-coat your words so that they won't hurt me even more. Say whatever you want. I am in need of a good cry. I cried a little just now, but it wasn't enough. Say something that will make me cry. It IS my turn to cry.


Let the rain wash the pain away...