Would I?

The question at the back of my mind right now is really killing me.

"Would you forgive her if you see her on Monday?"

Sadly, I can't answer that. Most people who know me know that I have a hard time forgiving the enemy. Worse still, I can't forgive someone who claims to be my friend and hurts me in the end by stabbing me from behind.

So yeah, no one's perfect. I never said I was. I don't expect that girl to be perfect either. But the fact is we all expect our friends to laugh and cry with us. We share secrets and jokes. But that girl just threw it all away to clear her name.

After I tried my level best to help you, is this the treatment you think I truly deserve? This backstabbing? I'm sorry if you tried sending me messages online when I wasn't at my desk [there's a reason why I put HAVING DINNER, BATHING, EATING LUNCH in caps and put my status as busy on my MSN Messenger, you know] and I never replied them. It's not my fault if I have some errands to do. You seriously don't expect me to be at my desk everytime you call, especially when I'm having my dinner? Unless you're heartless and want my mum to slap me. And I'm sorry if I reply you late, because you have already gone offline by the time I get back. Even if I was busy, you could've sent me an SMS, since my phone and I are inseparable ever since that other incident.

But NO. Everytime I send you messages, you never reply. I don't expect you to do much with your phone anyway.

Like when we had that discussion on Thursday, I put in all my effort despite having to run around to photostat and bind my Lah report. I was busier than anyone I know [an understatement, I know, but bear with me] on Thursday...I had to hand in my Lah report, and had that stupid Law of Contract thing as well. I haven't been sleeping well since Wednesday and Thursday, only 4 hours of sleep. You think that's enough? And what did you do? You gave us a crummy paper which had no relevance to the topic and left for Sunway Pyramid with your friend to go ice-skating.

So come Friday, you come in late for class, never bothered to ask us what were you going to talk about and ignored us. And worst of all things to happen at an 8 AM class after having barely 4 hours of sleep again, is for you to accuse me of giving you the wrong information for our assignment! I was just done with the lecturer, asking him bout the culture thing, and there you are, shouting and accusing me for telling you something completely different from what another friend of ours did for her assignment. Look, I gave the best explanation possible, and if you think I did that for you to score lower marks than me [don't be stupid, I don't care what you get, as long as I did my best, that's all that matters!] and think what the other friend did was right, then by all means, ask her! Don't ask me! I'm just plotting your downfall, anyway. So why bother asking me?

ST and I feared this would happen when we were having our breakfast. We were just worried if she accuses us for not informing her or that sort.

True enough, the thing we feared did happen. She blatantly accused the two of us for the things that were entirely her fault. I mean, would you borrow the DVD from your lecturer for your friend who ask you to lie for her just because she watched the Brazil-Japan game at 3 AM and couldn't wake up the next day? Hello, I haven't had the best of sleeps or naps either. I can still get up after watching a 3 AM game and get ready for college! During the semi-finals which were shown at 3 AM, I was up the whole night doing some final touches for my Lah report and I could still go to college despite having 4 hours of sleep!

When the lecturer just said "You're going to lose 10 marks" and you just calmly answered "It's okay, I don't care about it. I don't need the 10 marks" and then he decided to give you another shot and not us, I was crying inside. Why did he do that? It was so unfair for the 3 of us.

And you claim you put in effort for the thing? Oh sure, let me know which part of ice-skating in Sunway Pyramid is constituted as putting in effort? I would have said I married Aaron Lennon and claimed to put in effort for my projects if I wanted to.

And you told us that at 9:30AM yesterday you went to the library to help your friend find the lecturer! What the hell? We had a presentation at 11 AM and you don't know anything about what you're going to say, but you had time to go escort your friend to meet the lecturer at the library in Wisma HELP?

Do I think it's fair you get to do another presentation again, while we don't? Personally, I don't think so!

ST and me knew she'd do it yesterday. It's just that we weren't aware how bad a blow it could be for us. That's why we cried. We were hurt. We never expected all this from her.

I'm not sitting and moping about it. It's just that, I needed to really get it off my chest. The real truth. My anger in yesterday's post didn't illustrate anything of what happened yesterday.

I wonder how I'll face her on Monday. I've got nothing to hide. I can be nice to you. Depends on which definition of 'nice' you're looking at. You know how I can cry and lose my temper at the same time, right? Just that I don't want people to see that nasty side of me. If you push too hard, you might get a glimpse of 'that' me. Trust me, you don't want to get acquainted with 'that' me.

I don't care what you call me, becuase it won't hurt anymore.

The song really fits my mood. I'm addicted.

To Ms. ChrysanthemumTea, Ms. ParmesanCheese, and Mr. RotiSardine: Thank You. Looking forward to Wednesday.

Has anyone seen Ms. MangoCheeseCake anywhere?

*Bluesy* out!